I am nearing my birthday at the end of February. A new year causes me to look back over my life and evaluate where I have been, where I am and where God is taking me.
My twenties seemed to be the decade of decisions gone aloof. Not necessarily horrible choices but ones that, in one way, shape or form, got me far from where I intended to be. I spent the latter half of the decade trying to get back on the right track. A lot of self discovery happened. I sure learned a lot and can close that book and shelf it.
My thirties are taking off and it feels like I am making sound decisions rooted in my convictions and in knowing who I am according to Christ and no one else. I am proud of who I am and am thankful for what I have gone through to be where and who I am now.
The past week or so has been challenging as I continue on this path God has set before me. So many insecurities and questions and what if’s have risen to the surface.
Can I really do this task of caring for a child in foster care? Do I have what it takes? Am I ready for it? What am I sacrificing? Am I willing to make those sacrifices? Should I really be thinking about buying a home? Can I say goodbye to the life I had planned for me and trust God for a better one? One I can’t even begin to fathom?
I get stuck in a frame of mind that many relate to. That mindset that follows what the world thinks and says I ought to do. I want to play it safe.. It’s hard to think that I can step out on my own and really grab hold of the calling God is charging me with. I have been thinking and over thinking way too much.
I have rarely been good at taking risks. I think way too much (obviously) and because I think too much about unlikely and unforeseen outcomes, I become paralyzed. That paralysis causes me to act or not act in ways that can lead to regret. That’s nothing but pure fear. It’s a wicked emotion. What’s the saying? 80% of what we fear in life never happens.
I know that if I live life in fear it will own me. Yet when I look at the road before me I am so much a two-sided coin. One side is ready and willing, eager to fulfill this awesome responsibility. The other side gets hung up on my short comings, inadequacies and doubt. I really want to throw in the towel. At least that’s what my head is saying.
Instead I hear God nudging me to just take the next step. I don’t have to know all the answers to all my questions. If He is who He says He is, then He is a sure thing. I can risk knowing that my return is Him.
The mind can play cruel tricks on you, especially when you least expect it. If I can impart anything it’s this: Remember whose you are and the truth God has made known. When you get caught up on the teeter-totter of faith and doubt, don’t forget who is the center. God is and has everything we need to succeed in this life for His glory.
This song (click here to listen) came on the radio at about my breaking point. I love how God reassures just when we think we’ve had all we can take. I know it encouraged me. Take a listen and see what you have to lose…